Mama...Post 1

   Sunday Feb 9th 2020
I crashed into bed at 9:30p.  Jason was at work, all the little kids were in bed, I couldn't stay awake anymore.  @12:30am my phone started ringing, I thought it was my alarm. It sounds the same. I  turned my alarm off, and then it started again immediately. I was totally confused.  I looked at the phone half asleep trying to figure out what going on...and saw the time.  I realized it was Corinne calling.  This can't be good news. "Mom's had a stroke, she's on the way to the hospital..."  -I'm awake...and there was no sleeping after that..within minutes of the call, Michael woke up sick...fever, cough, sore throat.

In her words...Mom had been sitting in her wheelchair at her computer desk typing an email when her arm stopped working.  She had been a bit forward in her chair and went to try and stand up so she could sit further back and she slid down to the floor -no power on her left side.  Luckily she had the phone tucked in her bra and she had enough strength on on her right side to still function.  She knew she was having a stroke but she didn't want the EMT's to bust down her door, so she called Darrell to see if he could bring a key.  He was on a Stand-up Flight in CA so he told mom to call 911 and then he called Tami to see if she could bring a key to the house. She was half asleep trying to fumble around in the truck to find the key. She realized "This is Stupid...bust down the stupid door"  And headed to mom's.

Meanwhile, (thankfully!) Brodie and Nicole had heard over the dispatch of a possible stroke victim at Mom's address.  Nicole told Brodie to get over there.  He had been able to see her in the office on the floor through the porch window, when Tami showed up, he was at the back door on the phone with dispatch asking for a specific truck to be able to get the door down.  But Tami just told him to bust it and threatened that if he wasn't going to kick in the door, she was going through the window.  With a little hip-bump he was able to get it...(nice security mom...)  Brodie was able to be with mom all the way to the hospital. -She appreciated it so much!  It was such a comfort to her to have him in the ambulance with her and taking care of her.

Kenny, Corinne and Tami stayed at the hospital all night with mom.  I wanted to be there...I was up all night getting updates from the family on her prognosis and taking care of Michael.

The next day, Darrell and Tami were able to get me on a buddy pass flight.  I was at the hospital by 8:30pm that night. 





   

Hone your Super Power to change your mindset...

A little over 2 years ago I was feeling so frustrated and defeated by what I felt was my lack of parenting skills.  My kids were ages 6 mon, 2, 4, 9, & 14.  It was a constant battle of trying to motivate them to keep their rooms clean, do their homework, help with the house chores and for Pete's sake just be kind to each other.  Recognizing that I am the parent and accountable for what I'm teaching them, I was constantly feeling like a failure. I was at a low point.  I felt like all I ever did was either nag, or yell.  Really inspiring right there! 😜 

Then I was introduced to Mind Hack by David Bayer.  I had been studying many other thought leaders on the subject of mental toughness and brain change but David puts it in such a succinct way with action steps I could follow and it made a huge difference...

I know the skeptic just came out and said "Yeah right!!"  But before you move on to scrolling Facebook again or looking at cats on Pinterest, hear me out.     

The problem isn't the problem...

What does that mean?  

It means by working through the mind hack process, I realized my problem wasn't what I thought it was.  I was spending so much time in suffering being sad and frustrated and depressed over my kid's behavior.  I thought my suffering was because my kids weren't listening. The story I had created as to why they weren't listening is that I wasn't teaching them how to behave better.  This meant that I wasn't doing my job as a parent.  I had attached my worth and ability as a parent to the behavior of my children, which of course made me feel terrible....

Can you relate? 

What I learned, is that you when you're in a suffering state of being, there is something that isn't aligned with who you really are.  Which meant something that I was believing, or telling myself about the situation wasn't true.  So if my story was false that my children's misbehavior meant I was a terrible parent...then what was the truth?...

The truth was simple...my children have agency, just like me...and when they choose differently than what I am teaching...doesn't make me a bad parent.  I can choose to detach their behavior from my worth and ability as a parent. This took a HUGE load off of my shoulders...because here's the real truth, I teach my kids EVERY DAY...EVERY DAY...EVERY DAY the way to behave and what's appropriate.  I work my tail off teaching them how to be a contributor in our family and because I care how they turn out, means that I am a GREAT Parent.  

So what?  What does that mean for you?  Are there ways that you are suffering in emotional pain, fear, frustration, anxiety, anger, sadness or any other negative emotion?  If Yes, then it means that your beliefs around the things you are suffering, are not in alignment with truth, of who you really are.  Want to get out of being stuck in suffering?  

Click the Link...Learn how to Hack your own mind.  

Hack your mind...David Bayer Mind Hack Program

Let me know what you discover...

Full Circle...But Moving up!

Wow...18 Months...I guess I get to be accountable as to why I haven't posted. haha  Its because I haven't wanted to be accountable!  When I first started this blog, I felt inspired to share what had been happening in my life and how it was serving me to be accountable.  As time went on, I allowed my little negative voice inside my head tell me that what I had to share wasn't that important or noteworthy.  Also Jason and I had been praying about what direction our future should go.  We both felt like Jason should go back to school full time.  He's always wanted to be a Doctor but never wanted to go through the schooling to get there.  2 years ago we felt prompted for him to begin school in Fall of 2011 to become a Nurse Anesthetist.  We also felt like he shouldn't work at all, at-least not the first couple of semesters to make sure he could really focus on his grades.  That would mean that I would need to be the bread winner.  Ugh! I knew it was the right decision for our family, but when it came time for me to actually make it happen, I totally choked.  I allowed fear to paralyze me.  My work ethic sucked!  I was overcome by fear of what other people would think of me as I pursued my businesses of massage and Financial Planning.  Because I didn't do the leg work to get my businesses off the ground, my whole family suffered.  Last December, I got to give the news to my 7 year old that he didn't get to see his cousins for Christmas and then watch him cry inconsolably. Yeah, I felt AWESOME....(note the huge sense of sarcasm!)  I cried too.  We made the best of Christmas which turned out well and we enjoyed ourselves.  Between Christmas and New Years, I felt inspired to plan out 2012 of what I could accomplish in my business.  Once I got it down on paper, it felt really good...for a couple of days and then that little negative voice started screaming in my ears that there's no way "Melanie Crane" can accomplish that!  The stupid thing is that I listened to it. I froze again.  I stopped listening to the promptings of what I needed to do just to move forward and the longer I didn't act, the more miserable I became. What I realized is that little voice was right!  I can't accomplish those goals that I wrote down...but they weren't MY goals.  They were inspired...which means little human, with lots of follies, Melanie...that's ME....can't!  But it doesn't matter whether I can or not...with the Lord ALL things are POSSIBLE!  ...there's no disclaimer on that scripture...I've looked. :D  So, about a week later, I decided that I was done FEELING LIKE CRAP!!! And that I deserved to repent.  I deserved to humble myself and start trusting in the Lord and what He was asking me to do.  Its interesting to me that as SOON as I started turning to the Lord, my burden felt immediately lighter.  I struggled back and forth over the year, but I kept moving forward.  One tiny intsy weentsy step at a time.  I had decided in January that I would find a massage therapy job that would help pay the bills while I was building my financial business...I enjoyed working at Nouveau Day Spa, but after fighting it for 9 months, I realized that I was spreading myself too thin.  I needed to focus my efforts.  I felt like I needed be out on my own making my own hours, doing my own personal marketing.  I needed to be back in control of my own success.  So through a lot of prayer and leg work, we decided for me to open my own office, creating a new massage business. Its in a beautiful building that gives me access to everything I need to run BOTH of my businesses.  It feels so great and so many things have fallen into place as I have listened to what my next step is.  So, here it is December again, and I am looking looking back at the progress I have made...though it be a FAR cry from the vision I have, I am grateful for the Lord's hand in my life and the direction I am headed.  Stephen Covey, in his book "First Things First" he says. "Vision is greater than baggage".  So I add to it, that with Christ, all things are possible.  I am committed to hand over my baggage to Him , and accept His vision of me, and choose to see myself through His lenses. Let's go on this journey together. :D

Let Freedom Ring!

   My mind is very pensive today as I reflect on my blessings of living in a country where I am blessed with so many choices.  I get to choose where I live, what stores to do my grocery shopping, what school my child goes to, what church to attend, where I want to travel to visit family w/o getting government permission, I can speak freely of my opinions and thoughts in a variety of outlets like facebook and blogger.  I get to choose who I marry how many children I have, I can choose to attend any school or have any career. And the list goes on. 

   I fear I take too many of my privileges for granted and mistaken them as "rights".  I too often forget the blood that was spilled by dedicated men and women who realized that the blessings of freedom come with a very high price to be paid.  I'm humbled by those willing to serve in the military to not only protect my freedoms but to give the same opportunities to people world-wide.  Do I wish for a more peaceful way to extend those freedoms? Absolutely.  Do I desire bloodshed? No.  But I realize there are many in the world that would subject me to their will, that would love to control my every action as well as my thoughts.  This nemesis of my freedom is one individual.  Someone who is real.  Someone that desires me to be subjected to him by every means possible. This battle for freedom began long before I chose to experience it on the earth.  

   I find it interesting that the true Giver of freedom also knew there was a high price to be paid for it.  He knew the cost, and was willing to pay every ounce of blood needed.  Yet the beauty of His gift is similar to the freedoms I have being an American.  Just because someone has paid the price for my freedom doesn't mean I'm automatically free...because there are many things to enslave me.  But it simply gives me the opportunity to choose.  I can choose to accept them or decline them.  The Giver doesn't force me, doesn't try to control me.  He has simply laid out a plan that allows me to experience the utmost power of living a free life.  Free of addictions, free of guilt, free of anger, free of fear. He gives me an opportunity to have a life full of love, forgiveness, and peace.  His simple words are "Come, Follow Me".

      I realize the freedoms I've been blessed with as an American are part of a much bigger plan.  I know that it creates a sounding board that the Giver's gift of freedom may be heard in every ear in every nation.  I'm humbled as I think about every blessing I experience.  I pray that I may be made more aware everyday of just how blessed I am.  I pray for the strength to CHOOSE Freedom.  I thank my Savior, Jesus Christ for offering me the utmost freedom, for paying the price for me.  GOD BLESS AMERICA and God, please bless me to soften my heart to follow thee.                

Them's Fightin Words! (Don't Mess with me part 3)

Hubby and I are very passionate...I know, hard to believe right?  So, when we fight, we fight passionately!  Throughout my marriage, one thing I've found challenging is putting myself in Hubby's shoes.  I get stuck in feeling justified as to why I'm angry at him and I don't want to feel where's he's coming from because that would mean that I might be wrong and we just can't have that. ;) Hubby finds this challenging too as you could probably imagine. 

Nine times out of ten, Hubby is the first one to soften and to apologize.  I find myself very blessed to have a husband like him!  He is really good at putting himself in my shoes and will relate to me very well.  When we fight and also when we aren't fighting, Hubby has brought up his concern with me not being willing to put myself in his shoes.  This conversation has been ongoing for almost 13 years now.  I've made tremendous progress, but he made a very important discovery the other day, when yet again, I was unwilling to put down my pride and see things from his perspective.  He stopped what he was doing, which was wanting  me to see through his eyes and instead walked himself through the 4 steps of accountability.  What was amazing is that as SOON as he did that, my guard came down and I immediately wanted to do the same thing and suddenly it was easy to see where he was coming from.  I shared that with him, which surprised him as much as it did me. ;D He said, "I guess it really is NEVER about the other person, because whether or not you want to see things from my perspective, as long as I'm working on seeing things from yours, that's what's important."  And in that, he spoke truth.  He has no control over me, nor I, him.  So we can't force each other to do anything, but man, when he took accountability, let me tell you, I was definitely inspired by it and wanted to show him how much I love him!  It was a very cool breakthrough for us.  It has been a turning point for our marriage.
  Are there things in your marriage or other relationships that have worked for you that you'd be willing to share?  If you don't want to post a comment, but are willing to send an email, I'd love to hear from you!  melliesmiles@gmail.com        

Don't Mess with Me...Part 2

The other day I was at the Justice Center getting my fingerprints done for my professional licenses.  It was the end of day so there was hardly anyone around.  I was in a great mood because I had just passed my test with flying colors after a month of hard studying.  When I'm in a good mood, I usually hum.  As I was coming out of the Sheriff's office, there was a man with a brief case that had come from around a corner and was walking about 10 feet in front of me.  The rest of the long corridor was empty.  I was humming and the acoustics made it louder.  He turned around and commented.
"You seem happy!" he said
"Why not?" I replied
"Well, there's a LOT of reasons of why not!" he retorted
"Not, in my life.  Its just a choice." I said with a smile.
"So what's the opposite of raining on someone's parade? Sun-shining on my...." he said
"Oh, am I shining on your grumpiness?" I teased him.
He kind of chuckled and said "Yes"

At this point he was stopping at the vending machine and I was about to walk out the front door.  Then he said "Well, continue to have a great day."
I replied, "Thanks, I will.  And you too, if you choose to."

Now, I know, there's probably a lot of you out there, that now have a great desire to SLAP me!  Sometimes I even surprise myself with with my own boldness.  I have no idea who this man was.  He could have been a lawyer coming out of court from a very tough case.  I don't know anything about him but I did get a smile out of him.  ;D 

I shared this story with my sister in law and she laughed and then she reminded me of our last conversation in which I was EXTREMELY grumpy!  She told me that the next time I'm grumpy she's going to call me and "Sun-shine on my Cloudy day" and remind me that its my choice!  Touché!  I've reflected quite a bit about it.  I admit, when I'm grumpy, the LAST thing I want to hear is "Its your choice".  The biggest reason is because the "guilty taketh the truth to be hard".  I'm the proudest person I know.  When I'm in a bad mood and having a "bad" day, and if its true that I'm choosing it, then in my proud mind I'm thinking: what kind of person am I if I recognize it and then don't change it? Why wouldn't I choose to be happy? So its much easier for me to blame others or the situation and say "Jason makes me so mad...or the kids make me so angry...or so and so was so mean to me...or the car broke down AGAIN etc. etc. etc." Because that way, I'm justified in being angry or grumpy or whatever.  But if I'm really honest with myself...what purpose does the blaming have?  Does it really serve me?  Slowly, I'm learning that it really doesn't.  So, instead of blaming anyone or anything for my grumpiness, I just get to own it and recognize that there are times when I WANT to be angry and grumpy.  For me, its made it easier to get over my bad attitude more quickly.  Granted...just because I've learned this...putting it into practice takes, well, it takes A LOT of practice!  I guess that's another great reason for sharing this blog...my resolve to be accountable is constantly put in front of my face and I'm given reminders by my friends that read it and call me on it when I'm not being accountable.  So, if you happen to see me not being accountable, just give me a gentle reminder...its MY choice.  :D              
 

Don't Mess With Me...I'm NOT in the Mood! Part 1

Growing up my brother used to tease me that if I was being nice and happy toward him that I must be in my "10% time".  At first, I was as confused as you probably are right now.  When I was grumpy and short and snappy with him, he would say I was in my "90% time".  So if you hadn't already guessed it, what he was saying is that pretty much MOST of the time, I was moody broody and snooty!  At age 15 I was in COMPLETE denial that I was really that moody, *sniff* "He just didn't understand and was being a big meany! psh!"  lol But alas I get to admit its true, so very true.  Problem is, even though I've calmed down a bit, I STILL get in my funk where everyone just better WATCH OUT... OR ELSE!  hahahaha!  OK, maybe I shouldn't be laughing, b/c its really not that funny but man, I can be really hard to handle!  I guess I feel that laughing at myself is better than getting out my handy dandy Beat Up stick to beat myself down.  So what are you asking my friend?  What got me to admit that I was so dramatic as a teenager and admit to the drama that I still create in my marriage?  My answer is simple.  A Mirror.  A Mirror in the form of two enthusiastic, adorable, amazing, and OVERLY DRAMATIC children.  (Thank you Heavenly Father for letting them be my teacher! :D) 
Yep!  They seriously both deserve Academy Awards for their performances!  Not only in the over the top tantrums that they can display but also in their enthusiastic silliness and laughter. Shall we say, they are both very expressive in whatever emotion they share!   I sadly admit that the needless tantrums they've so easily adopted have been learned from me.  Now before you have a visual of me laying on the ground kicking and screaming and flailing my appendages, -wow, that would be ridiculous and scary at the same time!- No, my tantrums are in different forms, usually they come in the form of me yelling and threatening and shaking my finger and letting out low grunting sounds like a bull kicking up dirt and getting ready to charge.  Yes, sadly its true.  So taking a good look at what I've created, and not liking my results, I've started doing something about it.  This change is a result of my sweet 7yr old son, whom after receiving a very dramatic tongue lashing from me, very lovingly told me that when I treat him like that, he doesn't feel like I love him.  Hmmm, What do I do when I hear that? Do I yell some more at him, and tell him that if he'd just obey, then I wouldn't get angry...implying that he's the one the "MAKES" me angry?... or do I humble myself?  I decided to humble myself.  And right then I told him, that no matter what he does, I don't have to choose anger and he doesn't deserve for me to go all banshee on him.  I told him, "I'm committed in this moment to speak kindly to you, and choose to not be so upset and I choose to be loving."  I also told him that he can assist me by being obedient and listening to me the first time I ask him to do things etc.  Well, it took a few minutes, but the blood pressure came down and my heart opened up and gushed with love for him.  I had to keep repeating in my mind that I CHOOSE to be loving, I CHOOSE to be kind.

Since that first experience, there have been MANY opportunities for me to choose love over anger.  I admit, there have been a lot LESS times that I actually did.  However, they are becoming more frequent.  What I have noticed is when I choose love, my kids reciprocate that love 10 fold!  They become peaceful instead of aggressive.  Its empowering to know, even in the heat of it...I CAN choose differently and change the entire atmosphere in my home.  It is only with a prayer that I'm able to do it, but by me tapping into God's power, I feel stronger.  I also feel a physical shift in my body. When I'm angry, I feel like a dragon with fire burning inside of me, when I shift mentally and emotionally into love and gratitude, my body feels light and free.  Its just an observation but its been powerful for me to take notice.   

So, this is just one experience, but what about the times when everything in my day seems to go wrong? When people are jerks to me or hubby and I have a fight (Yes, we fight!)...or I woke up late, scheduled too many things too close together thus feeling behind and feeling way too stressed!....I'm going to address these situations in part 2...Stay tuned