Hubby and I are very passionate...I know, hard to believe right? So, when we fight, we fight passionately! Throughout my marriage, one thing I've found challenging is putting myself in Hubby's shoes. I get stuck in feeling justified as to why I'm angry at him and I don't want to feel where's he's coming from because that would mean that I might be wrong and we just can't have that. ;) Hubby finds this challenging too as you could probably imagine.
Nine times out of ten, Hubby is the first one to soften and to apologize. I find myself very blessed to have a husband like him! He is really good at putting himself in my shoes and will relate to me very well. When we fight and also when we aren't fighting, Hubby has brought up his concern with me not being willing to put myself in his shoes. This conversation has been ongoing for almost 13 years now. I've made tremendous progress, but he made a very important discovery the other day, when yet again, I was unwilling to put down my pride and see things from his perspective. He stopped what he was doing, which was wanting me to see through his eyes and instead walked himself through the 4 steps of accountability. What was amazing is that as SOON as he did that, my guard came down and I immediately wanted to do the same thing and suddenly it was easy to see where he was coming from. I shared that with him, which surprised him as much as it did me. ;D He said, "I guess it really is NEVER about the other person, because whether or not you want to see things from my perspective, as long as I'm working on seeing things from yours, that's what's important." And in that, he spoke truth. He has no control over me, nor I, him. So we can't force each other to do anything, but man, when he took accountability, let me tell you, I was definitely inspired by it and wanted to show him how much I love him! It was a very cool breakthrough for us. It has been a turning point for our marriage.
Are there things in your marriage or other relationships that have worked for you that you'd be willing to share? If you don't want to post a comment, but are willing to send an email, I'd love to hear from you! melliesmiles@gmail.com
Nine times out of ten, Hubby is the first one to soften and to apologize. I find myself very blessed to have a husband like him! He is really good at putting himself in my shoes and will relate to me very well. When we fight and also when we aren't fighting, Hubby has brought up his concern with me not being willing to put myself in his shoes. This conversation has been ongoing for almost 13 years now. I've made tremendous progress, but he made a very important discovery the other day, when yet again, I was unwilling to put down my pride and see things from his perspective. He stopped what he was doing, which was wanting me to see through his eyes and instead walked himself through the 4 steps of accountability. What was amazing is that as SOON as he did that, my guard came down and I immediately wanted to do the same thing and suddenly it was easy to see where he was coming from. I shared that with him, which surprised him as much as it did me. ;D He said, "I guess it really is NEVER about the other person, because whether or not you want to see things from my perspective, as long as I'm working on seeing things from yours, that's what's important." And in that, he spoke truth. He has no control over me, nor I, him. So we can't force each other to do anything, but man, when he took accountability, let me tell you, I was definitely inspired by it and wanted to show him how much I love him! It was a very cool breakthrough for us. It has been a turning point for our marriage.
Are there things in your marriage or other relationships that have worked for you that you'd be willing to share? If you don't want to post a comment, but are willing to send an email, I'd love to hear from you! melliesmiles@gmail.com
2 comments:
You are so cute. I have just read your posts and you're truly an inspiration. I need to do these very things in my life.
One thing that Carson and I always remember is in our Provo house we had an arguement about who knows what, but neither of us was budging, we were mad and said things that hurt. We didn't know what to do and finally one of us suggested that we pray. It was one of the most humbling experiences of our marriage. By the end of our prayer we were both in tears, apologizing and we had dropped all walls and our points and instantly the fight and problem was done. Satan wants us to argue. He is the father of contention. And who better to have contention and arguements with than the person we're sealed to. The person who we hope to build an eternal family with and seal future generations with. He DOES NOT want our marriages to work, so he does ALL that he can so that we can't reach our full potential. If we bring the Lord back into our covenant, into our marriage, he'll help us get rid of the source of contention and bring the spirit back. That's one bit of advise.
I can absolutely understand the frusteration with potty training! She's actually doing really well, but there are still daily accidents and I want to pull my hair out if I have to clean up one more puddle!! My house is now this potpourri of urine and cleaner! It's great. Don't be too hard on yourself. I've heard that mothers of young children get an automatic pass to heaven because of all the patience etc! But in all seriousness, I think we should be ever striving to be more patient, loving, understanding and kind, but I think He understands when we have asked a certain child 8 times to do the same thing, or when they talk sassy or roll their eyes at you etc!!!
Just remember D & C 121:43 It's talking to the priesthood of the church, but it is a great parenting tool as well. "reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;"
Sometimes we need to reprove our youngsters, but we need to show forth afterwards an increase of love so that they don't think we're the enemy.
Well, gotta get my little ones to bed. Keep up the good posts! I love and miss you tons!! Kandi
Kandi! Its so great to hear from you! Thank you for your comments. You are so great and I'm always inspired by you. I love and appreciate the advice. Miss you too!
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