Wow...18 Months...I guess I get to be accountable as to why I haven't posted. haha Its because I haven't wanted to be accountable! When I first started this blog, I felt inspired to share what had been happening in my life and how it was serving me to be accountable. As time went on, I allowed my little negative voice inside my head tell me that what I had to share wasn't that important or noteworthy. Also Jason and I had been praying about what direction our future should go. We both felt like Jason should go back to school full time. He's always wanted to be a Doctor but never wanted to go through the schooling to get there. 2 years ago we felt prompted for him to begin school in Fall of 2011 to become a Nurse Anesthetist. We also felt like he shouldn't work at all, at-least not the first couple of semesters to make sure he could really focus on his grades. That would mean that I would need to be the bread winner. Ugh! I knew it was the right decision for our family, but when it came time for me to actually make it happen, I totally choked. I allowed fear to paralyze me. My work ethic sucked! I was overcome by fear of what other people would think of me as I pursued my businesses of massage and Financial Planning. Because I didn't do the leg work to get my businesses off the ground, my whole family suffered. Last December, I got to give the news to my 7 year old that he didn't get to see his cousins for Christmas and then watch him cry inconsolably. Yeah, I felt AWESOME....(note the huge sense of sarcasm!) I cried too. We made the best of Christmas which turned out well and we enjoyed ourselves. Between Christmas and New Years, I felt inspired to plan out 2012 of what I could accomplish in my business. Once I got it down on paper, it felt really good...for a couple of days and then that little negative voice started screaming in my ears that there's no way "Melanie Crane" can accomplish that! The stupid thing is that I listened to it. I froze again. I stopped listening to the promptings of what I needed to do just to move forward and the longer I didn't act, the more miserable I became. What I realized is that little voice was right! I can't accomplish those goals that I wrote down...but they weren't MY goals. They were inspired...which means little human, with lots of follies, Melanie...that's ME....can't! But it doesn't matter whether I can or not...with the Lord ALL things are POSSIBLE! ...there's no disclaimer on that scripture...I've looked. :D So, about a week later, I decided that I was done FEELING LIKE CRAP!!! And that I deserved to repent. I deserved to humble myself and start trusting in the Lord and what He was asking me to do. Its interesting to me that as SOON as I started turning to the Lord, my burden felt immediately lighter. I struggled back and forth over the year, but I kept moving forward. One tiny intsy weentsy step at a time. I had decided in January that I would find a massage therapy job that would help pay the bills while I was building my financial business...I enjoyed working at Nouveau Day Spa, but after fighting it for 9 months, I realized that I was spreading myself too thin. I needed to focus my efforts. I felt like I needed be out on my own making my own hours, doing my own personal marketing. I needed to be back in control of my own success. So through a lot of prayer and leg work, we decided for me to open my own office, creating a new massage business. Its in a beautiful building that gives me access to everything I need to run BOTH of my businesses. It feels so great and so many things have fallen into place as I have listened to what my next step is. So, here it is December again, and I am looking looking back at the progress I have made...though it be a FAR cry from the vision I have, I am grateful for the Lord's hand in my life and the direction I am headed. Stephen Covey, in his book "First Things First" he says. "Vision is greater than baggage". So I add to it, that with Christ, all things are possible. I am committed to hand over my baggage to Him , and accept His vision of me, and choose to see myself through His lenses. Let's go on this journey together. :D
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