Right now in my life, I'm committed to be accountable. Now doesn't that just sound grand and lofty? :) Ok, so what does that mean exactly? Well in any given situation that occurs where accountability comes up, I ask myself 4 questions by starting with this phrase: "Its NEVER about the other person!"
1. What worked or didn't work in the situation?
2. What did I do to create it? Or what was my part in it?
3. What is the lesson for me to learn?
4. Where do I go from here? or What's the next action step to change the outcome in the future?
Just like with any commitment I've made in the past, life has presented opportunities for me to test my resolve. I'll begin with a simple example.
Hubby has been "trying" to train me that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure". i.e. to put things where they belong, to put stuff up so our very curious and agile 2 year old doesn't get into things, or the mere small task of applying duct tape to her diaper so she doesn't take it off when its, shall we say it in her words "yucky!" and then make a mess with everything her little dirty bum touches. I know, I know, simple concept. My mother (Heaven bless her!) worked hard at that goal (of teaching me) for 19 years before marriage and Jason in now almost 13 years of marriage...is still shaking his head. He has to smile at me while I'm grumbling under my breath or most of the time, grumbling out loud in my grumpy, short and cutting tones as I'm cleaning gross, stinky poop smeared all over her bedroom carpet. Bleh! Ya know, just simple things like that would save me a lot of time and energy if I would just take that "ounce" of time to prevent. Its in these times, that I don't WANT to be ACCOUNTABLE! I want to blame the hubby or 7 yr old the 2 year old..."If she'd just NOT be so dang curious or just stay out of things that AREN'T hers!" Or for heaven's sake KEEP HER DIAPER ON!... ...it stinks to be accountable sometimes! ;) However, as I've chosen to be accountable, after the initial pit in the stomach of "Oh yeah, I have control of this." It has resulted in me being much happier because I'm not mad at "Fate" or the world that "everything always happens to me"...do these phrases sound familiar to anyone else? I'm happier because instead of feeling sorry for myself, by being accountable I commit to making the changes necessary to do the necessary preventions. Its empowering because it means I can make the conscious choice to create the outcome I want. So this is what it looks likes...we'll take the example of the duct taped diaper.
I know its NEVER about the other person!
1.What did NOT work is that I did not apply the duct tape, and therefore said 2 yr old was able to remove the less than desirable diaper and have a creative dance party to remove the residual residue from her cute little tush!
2. Had I taken the time to put the duct tape on, though it might not have been as fun for her, I wouldn't be on my knees with the disinfectant scrubbing excrement out of the carpet!
3. Put the Duct tape on and save the headache and murmuring and avoid evil thoughts of wanting to beat my child! Making for a much more pleasant Mama and household in general. I could choose to have a better attitude and laugh about it.
4. Finish Potty Training and in the mean time, make sure to put the tape back where it belongs every time I use it, so I don't have to look for it at every diaper change!
Now, for every example I can give of when I've been accountable, I can give you probably 20 of when I've played the victim and blame game. So being accountable is just something that I've decided to focus on so I'm NOT on a soap box. Lets not play the comparison game on this blog! We don't do GUILT! This is a guilt free zone! Let's just talk about what we've learned in being accountable, what hasn't worked and what has! So here's my questions for you. Do you find yourself blaming everyone/everything around you for the things that aren't working in your life? (Do you hear yourself saying things like, "Man, this ALWAYS happens to me" or "Its just MY luck..." etc.) If so in what ways can you be accountable? If you chose to be accountable what would change? If you're feeling resistant to being accountable, (like I do MOST of the time) do you feel frustrated with your life and feel stuck? If so, what is the payoff for you to stay that way? Now, if you're choosing to be accountable in your life experiences, is there anything that has made it easier for you to do it w/o placing blame on others or wanting to make them be accountable too?
Thanks for taking the time to read and thank you in advance for your willingness to share your experiences, insights, thoughts and/or laughs!
In the future posts, I'm going tobear all share some more serious and challenging ways it may be to be accountable so if you're interested, stay tuned and if you want a personal update when something has been posted to the blog, become a follower.
Sincerely,
Melanie
1. What worked or didn't work in the situation?
2. What did I do to create it? Or what was my part in it?
3. What is the lesson for me to learn?
4. Where do I go from here? or What's the next action step to change the outcome in the future?
Just like with any commitment I've made in the past, life has presented opportunities for me to test my resolve. I'll begin with a simple example.
Hubby has been "trying" to train me that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure". i.e. to put things where they belong, to put stuff up so our very curious and agile 2 year old doesn't get into things, or the mere small task of applying duct tape to her diaper so she doesn't take it off when its, shall we say it in her words "yucky!" and then make a mess with everything her little dirty bum touches. I know, I know, simple concept. My mother (Heaven bless her!) worked hard at that goal (of teaching me) for 19 years before marriage and Jason in now almost 13 years of marriage...is still shaking his head. He has to smile at me while I'm grumbling under my breath or most of the time, grumbling out loud in my grumpy, short and cutting tones as I'm cleaning gross, stinky poop smeared all over her bedroom carpet. Bleh! Ya know, just simple things like that would save me a lot of time and energy if I would just take that "ounce" of time to prevent. Its in these times, that I don't WANT to be ACCOUNTABLE! I want to blame the hubby or 7 yr old the 2 year old..."If she'd just NOT be so dang curious or just stay out of things that AREN'T hers!" Or for heaven's sake KEEP HER DIAPER ON!... ...it stinks to be accountable sometimes! ;) However, as I've chosen to be accountable, after the initial pit in the stomach of "Oh yeah, I have control of this." It has resulted in me being much happier because I'm not mad at "Fate" or the world that "everything always happens to me"...do these phrases sound familiar to anyone else? I'm happier because instead of feeling sorry for myself, by being accountable I commit to making the changes necessary to do the necessary preventions. Its empowering because it means I can make the conscious choice to create the outcome I want. So this is what it looks likes...we'll take the example of the duct taped diaper.
I know its NEVER about the other person!
1.What did NOT work is that I did not apply the duct tape, and therefore said 2 yr old was able to remove the less than desirable diaper and have a creative dance party to remove the residual residue from her cute little tush!
2. Had I taken the time to put the duct tape on, though it might not have been as fun for her, I wouldn't be on my knees with the disinfectant scrubbing excrement out of the carpet!
3. Put the Duct tape on and save the headache and murmuring and avoid evil thoughts of wanting to beat my child! Making for a much more pleasant Mama and household in general. I could choose to have a better attitude and laugh about it.
4. Finish Potty Training and in the mean time, make sure to put the tape back where it belongs every time I use it, so I don't have to look for it at every diaper change!
Now, for every example I can give of when I've been accountable, I can give you probably 20 of when I've played the victim and blame game. So being accountable is just something that I've decided to focus on so I'm NOT on a soap box. Lets not play the comparison game on this blog! We don't do GUILT! This is a guilt free zone! Let's just talk about what we've learned in being accountable, what hasn't worked and what has! So here's my questions for you. Do you find yourself blaming everyone/everything around you for the things that aren't working in your life? (Do you hear yourself saying things like, "Man, this ALWAYS happens to me" or "Its just MY luck..." etc.) If so in what ways can you be accountable? If you chose to be accountable what would change? If you're feeling resistant to being accountable, (like I do MOST of the time) do you feel frustrated with your life and feel stuck? If so, what is the payoff for you to stay that way? Now, if you're choosing to be accountable in your life experiences, is there anything that has made it easier for you to do it w/o placing blame on others or wanting to make them be accountable too?
Thanks for taking the time to read and thank you in advance for your willingness to share your experiences, insights, thoughts and/or laughs!
In the future posts, I'm going to
Sincerely,
Melanie
8 comments:
Nicely said! I think you're really on to something here, Melanie.
You go girl,
DeAnne
Congrats on starting a blog. My insights? You are on a deeper level than I generally tend to think of things. But I have noticed if I step up my game instead of blaming others I'm generally happier. Good luck with this!!
Melanie you're awesome!!! I'm excited to read this all :)
I love your post! I agree, accountability can be viewed as negative, when in fact, it is empowering. I am in a phase of life I never thought possible...grown children, husband busy. I have a lot of "free time" to fill.
Last week I attended a conference for work. One session was by Linda Giles "Live Life On Purpose!" I certainly needed to hear her talk. "“This is my life. It is my one time to be me.” – Maya Angelou" Accountability in a positive light! What brings me joy? When am I at my best?
What motivates me? What do I want more of in my life? What is my purpose?
Thank you for the blog Melanie! I look forward to Chapter 2!
Kim
What fun to read your thoughts. Here is a common scenario about 1 yr old in my life, and my response according to your steps: My child loves to pull things down at this stage, and I get very frustrated when books are pulled off the shelf, or the stack of to-be-filed papers gets swiped off of my computer desk. SO....
1. What worked or didn't work in the situation? My house gets messy and I get frazzled when 1 yr old pulls things out of place.
2. What did I do to create it? Or what was my part in it? Leaving papers within arms reach of an innocent, curious child lends itself to disarray.
3. What is the lesson for me to learn? I need to keep things out of reach if I want to avoid constant clean up.
4. Where do I go from here? or What's the next action step to change the outcome in the future? I need to file my papers and just be OK with other minor messes. A change of attitude has helped a lot. I am a learning what does and does not matter as a new mom, and my child pulling books off the bookshelf doesn't bother me as much as it did the first few times. I can be happy that he is into books at all, right?!
Thanks for the thought provoking article, Melanie! I like these steps for resolving "I'm the victim" situations.
Thank you all for your comments and emails! Its so great to hear your feedback! Keep it coming b/c I'm excited to learn from you! :D
this is so fun to read! i am so excited about your blog, you always inspire me so much!
It was brought to my attention that the way I wrote this would seem like Hubby is being my parent. So let me make something clear. We view each other as equal partners where we both have strengths and weaknesses and so we both have things to teach as well as to learn from each other. :D
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