Don't Mess With Me...I'm NOT in the Mood! Part 1

Growing up my brother used to tease me that if I was being nice and happy toward him that I must be in my "10% time".  At first, I was as confused as you probably are right now.  When I was grumpy and short and snappy with him, he would say I was in my "90% time".  So if you hadn't already guessed it, what he was saying is that pretty much MOST of the time, I was moody broody and snooty!  At age 15 I was in COMPLETE denial that I was really that moody, *sniff* "He just didn't understand and was being a big meany! psh!"  lol But alas I get to admit its true, so very true.  Problem is, even though I've calmed down a bit, I STILL get in my funk where everyone just better WATCH OUT... OR ELSE!  hahahaha!  OK, maybe I shouldn't be laughing, b/c its really not that funny but man, I can be really hard to handle!  I guess I feel that laughing at myself is better than getting out my handy dandy Beat Up stick to beat myself down.  So what are you asking my friend?  What got me to admit that I was so dramatic as a teenager and admit to the drama that I still create in my marriage?  My answer is simple.  A Mirror.  A Mirror in the form of two enthusiastic, adorable, amazing, and OVERLY DRAMATIC children.  (Thank you Heavenly Father for letting them be my teacher! :D) 
Yep!  They seriously both deserve Academy Awards for their performances!  Not only in the over the top tantrums that they can display but also in their enthusiastic silliness and laughter. Shall we say, they are both very expressive in whatever emotion they share!   I sadly admit that the needless tantrums they've so easily adopted have been learned from me.  Now before you have a visual of me laying on the ground kicking and screaming and flailing my appendages, -wow, that would be ridiculous and scary at the same time!- No, my tantrums are in different forms, usually they come in the form of me yelling and threatening and shaking my finger and letting out low grunting sounds like a bull kicking up dirt and getting ready to charge.  Yes, sadly its true.  So taking a good look at what I've created, and not liking my results, I've started doing something about it.  This change is a result of my sweet 7yr old son, whom after receiving a very dramatic tongue lashing from me, very lovingly told me that when I treat him like that, he doesn't feel like I love him.  Hmmm, What do I do when I hear that? Do I yell some more at him, and tell him that if he'd just obey, then I wouldn't get angry...implying that he's the one the "MAKES" me angry?... or do I humble myself?  I decided to humble myself.  And right then I told him, that no matter what he does, I don't have to choose anger and he doesn't deserve for me to go all banshee on him.  I told him, "I'm committed in this moment to speak kindly to you, and choose to not be so upset and I choose to be loving."  I also told him that he can assist me by being obedient and listening to me the first time I ask him to do things etc.  Well, it took a few minutes, but the blood pressure came down and my heart opened up and gushed with love for him.  I had to keep repeating in my mind that I CHOOSE to be loving, I CHOOSE to be kind.

Since that first experience, there have been MANY opportunities for me to choose love over anger.  I admit, there have been a lot LESS times that I actually did.  However, they are becoming more frequent.  What I have noticed is when I choose love, my kids reciprocate that love 10 fold!  They become peaceful instead of aggressive.  Its empowering to know, even in the heat of it...I CAN choose differently and change the entire atmosphere in my home.  It is only with a prayer that I'm able to do it, but by me tapping into God's power, I feel stronger.  I also feel a physical shift in my body. When I'm angry, I feel like a dragon with fire burning inside of me, when I shift mentally and emotionally into love and gratitude, my body feels light and free.  Its just an observation but its been powerful for me to take notice.   

So, this is just one experience, but what about the times when everything in my day seems to go wrong? When people are jerks to me or hubby and I have a fight (Yes, we fight!)...or I woke up late, scheduled too many things too close together thus feeling behind and feeling way too stressed!....I'm going to address these situations in part 2...Stay tuned

That dirty word....Accountability

Right now in my life, I'm committed to be accountable.  Now doesn't that just sound grand and lofty? :) Ok, so what does that mean exactly?  Well in any given situation that occurs where accountability comes up, I ask myself 4 questions by starting with this phrase: "Its NEVER about the other person!"

1. What worked or didn't work in the situation?
2. What did I do to create it? Or what was my part in it?
3. What is the lesson for me to learn?
4. Where do I go from here? or What's the next action step to change the outcome in the future?

Just like with any commitment I've made in the past, life has presented opportunities for me to test my resolve.  I'll begin with a simple example.

Hubby has been "trying" to train me that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure".  i.e. to put things where they belong, to put stuff up so our very curious and agile 2 year old doesn't get into things, or the mere small task of applying duct tape to her diaper so she doesn't take it off when its, shall we say it in her words "yucky!" and then make a mess with everything her little dirty bum touches.   I know, I know, simple concept.  My mother (Heaven bless her!) worked hard at that goal (of teaching me) for 19 years before marriage and Jason in now almost 13 years of marriage...is still shaking his head.  He has to smile at me while I'm grumbling under my breath or most of the time, grumbling out loud in my grumpy, short and cutting tones as I'm cleaning gross, stinky poop smeared all over her bedroom carpet. Bleh!   Ya know, just simple things like that would save me a lot of time and energy if I would just take that "ounce" of time to prevent.  Its in these times, that I don't WANT to be ACCOUNTABLE!  I want to blame the hubby or 7 yr old the 2 year old..."If she'd just NOT be so dang curious or just stay out of things that AREN'T hers!" Or for heaven's sake KEEP HER DIAPER ON!... ...it stinks to be accountable sometimes! ;) However, as I've chosen to be accountable, after the initial pit in the stomach of "Oh yeah, I have control of this."  It has resulted in me being much happier because I'm not mad at "Fate" or the world that "everything always happens to me"...do these phrases sound familiar to anyone else? I'm happier because instead of feeling sorry for myself, by being accountable I commit to making the changes necessary to do the necessary preventions.  Its empowering because it means I can make the conscious choice to create the outcome I want. So this is what it looks likes...we'll take the example of the duct taped diaper.

I know its NEVER about the other person!
1.What did NOT work is that I did not apply the duct tape, and therefore said 2 yr old was able to remove the less than desirable diaper and have a creative dance party to remove the residual residue from her cute little tush!
2. Had I taken the time to put the duct tape on, though it might not have been as fun for her, I wouldn't be on my knees with the disinfectant scrubbing excrement out of the carpet!
3. Put the Duct tape on and save the headache and murmuring and avoid evil thoughts of wanting to beat my child! Making for a much more pleasant Mama and household in general. I could choose to have a better attitude and laugh about it.
4. Finish Potty Training and in the mean time, make sure to put the tape back where it belongs every time I use it, so I don't have to look for it at every diaper change!

Now, for every example I can give of when I've been accountable, I can give you probably 20 of when I've played the victim and blame game.  So being accountable is just something that I've decided to focus on so I'm NOT on a soap box. Lets not play the comparison game on this blog!  We don't do GUILT!  This is a guilt free zone! Let's just talk about what we've learned in being accountable, what hasn't worked and what has!  So here's my questions for you.  Do you find yourself blaming everyone/everything around you for the things that aren't working in your life? (Do you hear yourself saying things like, "Man, this ALWAYS happens to me" or "Its just MY luck..." etc.) If so in what ways can you be accountable? If you chose to be accountable what would change?  If you're feeling resistant to being accountable, (like I do MOST of the time) do you feel frustrated with your life and feel stuck? If so, what is the payoff for you to stay that way? Now, if you're choosing to be accountable in your life experiences, is there anything that has made it easier for you to do it w/o placing blame on others or wanting to make them be accountable too?

Thanks for taking the time to read and thank you in advance for your willingness to share your experiences, insights, thoughts and/or laughs!

In the future posts, I'm going to bear all share some more serious and challenging ways it may be to be accountable so if you're interested, stay tuned and if you want a personal update when something has been posted to the blog, become a follower.

Sincerely,

Melanie                 

My New Blog!

I decided to start a new blog that is dedicated specifically to document my growth in experiencing agency and my results in all aspects of my life.  Also to be able to have your feedback to expand my learning because your experiences will be different than mine.  So please be willing to share your own insights here on the comments!  I have a feeling that this is going to be an amazing journey!

Thanks for joining me!

Sincerely,

Melanie