Let Freedom Ring!

   My mind is very pensive today as I reflect on my blessings of living in a country where I am blessed with so many choices.  I get to choose where I live, what stores to do my grocery shopping, what school my child goes to, what church to attend, where I want to travel to visit family w/o getting government permission, I can speak freely of my opinions and thoughts in a variety of outlets like facebook and blogger.  I get to choose who I marry how many children I have, I can choose to attend any school or have any career. And the list goes on. 

   I fear I take too many of my privileges for granted and mistaken them as "rights".  I too often forget the blood that was spilled by dedicated men and women who realized that the blessings of freedom come with a very high price to be paid.  I'm humbled by those willing to serve in the military to not only protect my freedoms but to give the same opportunities to people world-wide.  Do I wish for a more peaceful way to extend those freedoms? Absolutely.  Do I desire bloodshed? No.  But I realize there are many in the world that would subject me to their will, that would love to control my every action as well as my thoughts.  This nemesis of my freedom is one individual.  Someone who is real.  Someone that desires me to be subjected to him by every means possible. This battle for freedom began long before I chose to experience it on the earth.  

   I find it interesting that the true Giver of freedom also knew there was a high price to be paid for it.  He knew the cost, and was willing to pay every ounce of blood needed.  Yet the beauty of His gift is similar to the freedoms I have being an American.  Just because someone has paid the price for my freedom doesn't mean I'm automatically free...because there are many things to enslave me.  But it simply gives me the opportunity to choose.  I can choose to accept them or decline them.  The Giver doesn't force me, doesn't try to control me.  He has simply laid out a plan that allows me to experience the utmost power of living a free life.  Free of addictions, free of guilt, free of anger, free of fear. He gives me an opportunity to have a life full of love, forgiveness, and peace.  His simple words are "Come, Follow Me".

      I realize the freedoms I've been blessed with as an American are part of a much bigger plan.  I know that it creates a sounding board that the Giver's gift of freedom may be heard in every ear in every nation.  I'm humbled as I think about every blessing I experience.  I pray that I may be made more aware everyday of just how blessed I am.  I pray for the strength to CHOOSE Freedom.  I thank my Savior, Jesus Christ for offering me the utmost freedom, for paying the price for me.  GOD BLESS AMERICA and God, please bless me to soften my heart to follow thee.                

Them's Fightin Words! (Don't Mess with me part 3)

Hubby and I are very passionate...I know, hard to believe right?  So, when we fight, we fight passionately!  Throughout my marriage, one thing I've found challenging is putting myself in Hubby's shoes.  I get stuck in feeling justified as to why I'm angry at him and I don't want to feel where's he's coming from because that would mean that I might be wrong and we just can't have that. ;) Hubby finds this challenging too as you could probably imagine. 

Nine times out of ten, Hubby is the first one to soften and to apologize.  I find myself very blessed to have a husband like him!  He is really good at putting himself in my shoes and will relate to me very well.  When we fight and also when we aren't fighting, Hubby has brought up his concern with me not being willing to put myself in his shoes.  This conversation has been ongoing for almost 13 years now.  I've made tremendous progress, but he made a very important discovery the other day, when yet again, I was unwilling to put down my pride and see things from his perspective.  He stopped what he was doing, which was wanting  me to see through his eyes and instead walked himself through the 4 steps of accountability.  What was amazing is that as SOON as he did that, my guard came down and I immediately wanted to do the same thing and suddenly it was easy to see where he was coming from.  I shared that with him, which surprised him as much as it did me. ;D He said, "I guess it really is NEVER about the other person, because whether or not you want to see things from my perspective, as long as I'm working on seeing things from yours, that's what's important."  And in that, he spoke truth.  He has no control over me, nor I, him.  So we can't force each other to do anything, but man, when he took accountability, let me tell you, I was definitely inspired by it and wanted to show him how much I love him!  It was a very cool breakthrough for us.  It has been a turning point for our marriage.
  Are there things in your marriage or other relationships that have worked for you that you'd be willing to share?  If you don't want to post a comment, but are willing to send an email, I'd love to hear from you!  melliesmiles@gmail.com        

Don't Mess with Me...Part 2

The other day I was at the Justice Center getting my fingerprints done for my professional licenses.  It was the end of day so there was hardly anyone around.  I was in a great mood because I had just passed my test with flying colors after a month of hard studying.  When I'm in a good mood, I usually hum.  As I was coming out of the Sheriff's office, there was a man with a brief case that had come from around a corner and was walking about 10 feet in front of me.  The rest of the long corridor was empty.  I was humming and the acoustics made it louder.  He turned around and commented.
"You seem happy!" he said
"Why not?" I replied
"Well, there's a LOT of reasons of why not!" he retorted
"Not, in my life.  Its just a choice." I said with a smile.
"So what's the opposite of raining on someone's parade? Sun-shining on my...." he said
"Oh, am I shining on your grumpiness?" I teased him.
He kind of chuckled and said "Yes"

At this point he was stopping at the vending machine and I was about to walk out the front door.  Then he said "Well, continue to have a great day."
I replied, "Thanks, I will.  And you too, if you choose to."

Now, I know, there's probably a lot of you out there, that now have a great desire to SLAP me!  Sometimes I even surprise myself with with my own boldness.  I have no idea who this man was.  He could have been a lawyer coming out of court from a very tough case.  I don't know anything about him but I did get a smile out of him.  ;D 

I shared this story with my sister in law and she laughed and then she reminded me of our last conversation in which I was EXTREMELY grumpy!  She told me that the next time I'm grumpy she's going to call me and "Sun-shine on my Cloudy day" and remind me that its my choice!  Touché!  I've reflected quite a bit about it.  I admit, when I'm grumpy, the LAST thing I want to hear is "Its your choice".  The biggest reason is because the "guilty taketh the truth to be hard".  I'm the proudest person I know.  When I'm in a bad mood and having a "bad" day, and if its true that I'm choosing it, then in my proud mind I'm thinking: what kind of person am I if I recognize it and then don't change it? Why wouldn't I choose to be happy? So its much easier for me to blame others or the situation and say "Jason makes me so mad...or the kids make me so angry...or so and so was so mean to me...or the car broke down AGAIN etc. etc. etc." Because that way, I'm justified in being angry or grumpy or whatever.  But if I'm really honest with myself...what purpose does the blaming have?  Does it really serve me?  Slowly, I'm learning that it really doesn't.  So, instead of blaming anyone or anything for my grumpiness, I just get to own it and recognize that there are times when I WANT to be angry and grumpy.  For me, its made it easier to get over my bad attitude more quickly.  Granted...just because I've learned this...putting it into practice takes, well, it takes A LOT of practice!  I guess that's another great reason for sharing this blog...my resolve to be accountable is constantly put in front of my face and I'm given reminders by my friends that read it and call me on it when I'm not being accountable.  So, if you happen to see me not being accountable, just give me a gentle reminder...its MY choice.  :D              
 

Don't Mess With Me...I'm NOT in the Mood! Part 1

Growing up my brother used to tease me that if I was being nice and happy toward him that I must be in my "10% time".  At first, I was as confused as you probably are right now.  When I was grumpy and short and snappy with him, he would say I was in my "90% time".  So if you hadn't already guessed it, what he was saying is that pretty much MOST of the time, I was moody broody and snooty!  At age 15 I was in COMPLETE denial that I was really that moody, *sniff* "He just didn't understand and was being a big meany! psh!"  lol But alas I get to admit its true, so very true.  Problem is, even though I've calmed down a bit, I STILL get in my funk where everyone just better WATCH OUT... OR ELSE!  hahahaha!  OK, maybe I shouldn't be laughing, b/c its really not that funny but man, I can be really hard to handle!  I guess I feel that laughing at myself is better than getting out my handy dandy Beat Up stick to beat myself down.  So what are you asking my friend?  What got me to admit that I was so dramatic as a teenager and admit to the drama that I still create in my marriage?  My answer is simple.  A Mirror.  A Mirror in the form of two enthusiastic, adorable, amazing, and OVERLY DRAMATIC children.  (Thank you Heavenly Father for letting them be my teacher! :D) 
Yep!  They seriously both deserve Academy Awards for their performances!  Not only in the over the top tantrums that they can display but also in their enthusiastic silliness and laughter. Shall we say, they are both very expressive in whatever emotion they share!   I sadly admit that the needless tantrums they've so easily adopted have been learned from me.  Now before you have a visual of me laying on the ground kicking and screaming and flailing my appendages, -wow, that would be ridiculous and scary at the same time!- No, my tantrums are in different forms, usually they come in the form of me yelling and threatening and shaking my finger and letting out low grunting sounds like a bull kicking up dirt and getting ready to charge.  Yes, sadly its true.  So taking a good look at what I've created, and not liking my results, I've started doing something about it.  This change is a result of my sweet 7yr old son, whom after receiving a very dramatic tongue lashing from me, very lovingly told me that when I treat him like that, he doesn't feel like I love him.  Hmmm, What do I do when I hear that? Do I yell some more at him, and tell him that if he'd just obey, then I wouldn't get angry...implying that he's the one the "MAKES" me angry?... or do I humble myself?  I decided to humble myself.  And right then I told him, that no matter what he does, I don't have to choose anger and he doesn't deserve for me to go all banshee on him.  I told him, "I'm committed in this moment to speak kindly to you, and choose to not be so upset and I choose to be loving."  I also told him that he can assist me by being obedient and listening to me the first time I ask him to do things etc.  Well, it took a few minutes, but the blood pressure came down and my heart opened up and gushed with love for him.  I had to keep repeating in my mind that I CHOOSE to be loving, I CHOOSE to be kind.

Since that first experience, there have been MANY opportunities for me to choose love over anger.  I admit, there have been a lot LESS times that I actually did.  However, they are becoming more frequent.  What I have noticed is when I choose love, my kids reciprocate that love 10 fold!  They become peaceful instead of aggressive.  Its empowering to know, even in the heat of it...I CAN choose differently and change the entire atmosphere in my home.  It is only with a prayer that I'm able to do it, but by me tapping into God's power, I feel stronger.  I also feel a physical shift in my body. When I'm angry, I feel like a dragon with fire burning inside of me, when I shift mentally and emotionally into love and gratitude, my body feels light and free.  Its just an observation but its been powerful for me to take notice.   

So, this is just one experience, but what about the times when everything in my day seems to go wrong? When people are jerks to me or hubby and I have a fight (Yes, we fight!)...or I woke up late, scheduled too many things too close together thus feeling behind and feeling way too stressed!....I'm going to address these situations in part 2...Stay tuned

That dirty word....Accountability

Right now in my life, I'm committed to be accountable.  Now doesn't that just sound grand and lofty? :) Ok, so what does that mean exactly?  Well in any given situation that occurs where accountability comes up, I ask myself 4 questions by starting with this phrase: "Its NEVER about the other person!"

1. What worked or didn't work in the situation?
2. What did I do to create it? Or what was my part in it?
3. What is the lesson for me to learn?
4. Where do I go from here? or What's the next action step to change the outcome in the future?

Just like with any commitment I've made in the past, life has presented opportunities for me to test my resolve.  I'll begin with a simple example.

Hubby has been "trying" to train me that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure".  i.e. to put things where they belong, to put stuff up so our very curious and agile 2 year old doesn't get into things, or the mere small task of applying duct tape to her diaper so she doesn't take it off when its, shall we say it in her words "yucky!" and then make a mess with everything her little dirty bum touches.   I know, I know, simple concept.  My mother (Heaven bless her!) worked hard at that goal (of teaching me) for 19 years before marriage and Jason in now almost 13 years of marriage...is still shaking his head.  He has to smile at me while I'm grumbling under my breath or most of the time, grumbling out loud in my grumpy, short and cutting tones as I'm cleaning gross, stinky poop smeared all over her bedroom carpet. Bleh!   Ya know, just simple things like that would save me a lot of time and energy if I would just take that "ounce" of time to prevent.  Its in these times, that I don't WANT to be ACCOUNTABLE!  I want to blame the hubby or 7 yr old the 2 year old..."If she'd just NOT be so dang curious or just stay out of things that AREN'T hers!" Or for heaven's sake KEEP HER DIAPER ON!... ...it stinks to be accountable sometimes! ;) However, as I've chosen to be accountable, after the initial pit in the stomach of "Oh yeah, I have control of this."  It has resulted in me being much happier because I'm not mad at "Fate" or the world that "everything always happens to me"...do these phrases sound familiar to anyone else? I'm happier because instead of feeling sorry for myself, by being accountable I commit to making the changes necessary to do the necessary preventions.  Its empowering because it means I can make the conscious choice to create the outcome I want. So this is what it looks likes...we'll take the example of the duct taped diaper.

I know its NEVER about the other person!
1.What did NOT work is that I did not apply the duct tape, and therefore said 2 yr old was able to remove the less than desirable diaper and have a creative dance party to remove the residual residue from her cute little tush!
2. Had I taken the time to put the duct tape on, though it might not have been as fun for her, I wouldn't be on my knees with the disinfectant scrubbing excrement out of the carpet!
3. Put the Duct tape on and save the headache and murmuring and avoid evil thoughts of wanting to beat my child! Making for a much more pleasant Mama and household in general. I could choose to have a better attitude and laugh about it.
4. Finish Potty Training and in the mean time, make sure to put the tape back where it belongs every time I use it, so I don't have to look for it at every diaper change!

Now, for every example I can give of when I've been accountable, I can give you probably 20 of when I've played the victim and blame game.  So being accountable is just something that I've decided to focus on so I'm NOT on a soap box. Lets not play the comparison game on this blog!  We don't do GUILT!  This is a guilt free zone! Let's just talk about what we've learned in being accountable, what hasn't worked and what has!  So here's my questions for you.  Do you find yourself blaming everyone/everything around you for the things that aren't working in your life? (Do you hear yourself saying things like, "Man, this ALWAYS happens to me" or "Its just MY luck..." etc.) If so in what ways can you be accountable? If you chose to be accountable what would change?  If you're feeling resistant to being accountable, (like I do MOST of the time) do you feel frustrated with your life and feel stuck? If so, what is the payoff for you to stay that way? Now, if you're choosing to be accountable in your life experiences, is there anything that has made it easier for you to do it w/o placing blame on others or wanting to make them be accountable too?

Thanks for taking the time to read and thank you in advance for your willingness to share your experiences, insights, thoughts and/or laughs!

In the future posts, I'm going to bear all share some more serious and challenging ways it may be to be accountable so if you're interested, stay tuned and if you want a personal update when something has been posted to the blog, become a follower.

Sincerely,

Melanie                 

My New Blog!

I decided to start a new blog that is dedicated specifically to document my growth in experiencing agency and my results in all aspects of my life.  Also to be able to have your feedback to expand my learning because your experiences will be different than mine.  So please be willing to share your own insights here on the comments!  I have a feeling that this is going to be an amazing journey!

Thanks for joining me!

Sincerely,

Melanie